so that optimism thing...

didn't really work out.

but this cheered me up today...

out the other side...?

it's been a while since i've felt optimistic.

usually i'm just knackered - clapped out with the running-aroundness of it all: the petty squabbling, the work drudgery, the work and the wait.

but, for the first time in a long time, i feel like things are beginning to change.

walking to work this morning, restricted by collar and tie, i still managed to feel something close to joy. and, even better than that, hopeful about the future.

things have been hellish hard for too long. but i have learned to cope and to sustain and - albeit slowly - i seem to be carving out a new and much better path for myself.

i'm still fucking broke mind.

but this week i relearned that it's time not money that's important and that if you're not working on something important or fun then why are you working on it at all?

so, this week at least, life looks all good.

the end of the horse drawn zeppelin

so my blog sucks, right?

fo sho

i've kind of drifted out of the habit of writing down my thoughts again. i had done a really good job of keeping a proper journal for the last couple of years but it all fell apart once this course kicked in.

so i started the blog to try and replace it. my memory is so bad nowadays that if i don't keep a record of what i've been up to somewhere then it may as well have not happened.

so i gotta do something...


and now i'm struggling to even keep up with the bloody blog.

so i've started to twitter

here

i'm just disappearing up my own arse now...

can you tell i'm on deadline again?

denied

so tonight i was a man on a mission.

i took a different wingman - maz not dan.

in search we did go.

denied.

not a deep-fried mars bar to be had anywhere.

kinda glad really.

hungry too though...

some tired old pun about burns

so it's late (or getting there anyway). friday night.

the room's quiet though, although a minute ago i was smiling as i heard child laughing in his sleep.

but now even the dull, hum of the fridge has deserted me with a click.

so it's silence.

(or it would be if this laptop could chill out)

today's been a bummer. again.

it was supposed to be a gentle one as well.

but a wee kick in the teeth here, a missed opportunity there and i'm a kind of blue.

child's laughing again.

i suppose as long as i keep him laughing then nothing else matters.

one more glenmorangie before bed.

happy burns night.

can't write won't write

it appears i have set myself something of a challenge

i'm now up to having to write 1250 words a day in order to meet my essay deadline

i'm doomed

but happy

kinda

i appear to have collaborated with bill drummond on the open manifesto :

look!

it's all terrifically exciting (but doesn't make up for my word count languishing on zero)

bum

bloody hell

time moves fast...

nine days is plenty time to knock out an essay though.